Thesis: Approach Life

"You're a better person than I am."

Said with a scoff with undertones of admiration

I've heard that phrase throughout my life.

I have held the moral high ground up so high and for so long

It's become second nature

Should I drop down to take what I'm "allowed"?

The sheer force of the landing would shake the foundations.

I won't hurt you, even when society says it's okay

I daydream of peace on Earth

I force my vision into life with small consistencies.

There was a time before I approached life like this

A curated calm that calls for community

I remember when I would shake with anger

An explosive with a hairpin trigger

I remember my tantrums and my wails

There was a time before I accepted the unfairness

Pitiful protests against bias and patriarchy

I remember when I would burst with frustration

Streams of being misunderstood running down my face

I remember the smirks and my glares

There was a time before I knew

With no different approach to the dangers of life

I remember we would laugh until we ran out of air

I wasn't afraid of getting my hair wet or my hands sticky

I didn't have to cross my knees or bat my eyes.

I just remember that after I knew, I couldn't unlearn.

I couldn't unlearn anything

I remember how it felt

To cower under my covers against the thunderous roars

I couldn't unlearn how to speak calmly when I want to scream

I can't unleash the rage within me,

not knowing the fear that comes with it will follow them for life

I remember how it felt

To pledge my comfort, safety, and loyalty to an energy-sucking cult

I couldn't unlearn how to find empathy and kind words when I have nothing nice left to say

I can't cut people with my words,

knowing that they have never been given the opportunity to learn something different

I remember how it felt

To get my first babysitting job when I was eight years old

I couldn't unlearn that the only way out of the worse parts of life was in cash

I would never escape the reoccurring fate,

Knowing that even I could be trapped by opportunity.

I know how it feels

I remember, I was there

I know how hard it is

I remember, I was there

I won't hurt you, even when society says it's okay

I will bring you kindness

I will bring you grace

I will bring you empathy

With these, I will not show up emptyhanded

I will drop from my moral vantage point

I will question the system and who it is for

Through hurt and discomfort, through suffering and anger

I remember how it was and I know it is not the fault of the individual

It is always the fault of the system

I have been given the tools to continue the injustice

Continue the anger and verbal assaults

Continue the petty words and emotional warfare

Continue the grinding for hours to gain a single treat

It would have felt easier, I suppose, mentally

Kindness, Grace, Empathy

This is how I will approach life