Impacts & Lessons
Updated: Oct 6
S.L.J.M.B.L.A.R.A. The many in between. (The before)
The ones with names taught me a lesson, had an impact on me
The ones without have been mixed and lost in my memory
If I tell a tale of a bad date, or I remember a fun fact
Their faceless name might swim up to me
But it will sink back down to the forgotten just as quickly
S.L.J.M.B.L.A.R. Adrian (Spring 2025)
He could see that I was smart, he liked that I was wounded
I held a spark of intrigue, an air of distrust
He said what and he said when
Giving promises to be delivered later
Then demanding me to give my vulnerability
I knew from a poorly timed call and a loose red nail in his passenger side
I knew I was not the only vulnerable he was making promises to
He beat me to it
He insisted that I keep calm while he broke things off
His understanding of me was misjudged, I gave a simple,
“That’s fine. Bring me my things. Leave them at the door.”
His impact highlighted my craving to be understood
Someone who would explore and map out my inner world
His impact taught me that being told is not the same as understanding
S.L.J.M.B.L.A. Rémi (Fall & Winter 2024)
We went for drinks, we bonded over dry humour
I was checked out and lost
He was non-committal and stagnant
A perfect match to fight our mutual loneliness
In a great depression, he gave a way to survive
He liked that I was easy-going and relaxed
I was unable to muster up energy to ask for more
He liked that I was helpful and compliant
I was one complaint away from my breaking point
Even now, I don’t see him as a negative
I’ll never know if he really liked me or not
I know he came to my house three times a week even with an allergy to cats
I know he let me give opinions about media even though he didn’t participate
I wonder what he thinks when he sees my posts online
His impact made me understand that I wanted company
He taught me that presence is more than physical
It’s the considerations that I was desperate to receive
S.L.J.M.B. Liam & Alex (Summer 2024)
I liked them both for the same reason
They loved me beyond reason
I could teach them about life and joy
I was hurt in all the right ways
Any next steps were convenient
They didn’t need to be romantic, just the idea of it
They didn’t need to like me, just the idea of me
Their impact was minimal but important enough to go through twice
It’s not enough to be adored if there is no depth to their understanding
They taught me that mutual respect was a requirement, not a nice-to-have
S.L.J.M. Ben (Spring 2023)
Against every part of my moral code
My personal rules, my personal view
My jokes were aligned with his ethics
We danced around our topics and issues
Pretending that personality was enough to have in common
I turned my attention away from his disrespect
He encouraged my vices, soothing my relaxation
Coaxing crashing waves into still water
Ripped and faded from the reality of his effect
Being ignorant of my problems didn’t make them disappear
His impact took any self-soothing I had, any skill of comfort, and set them ablaze
He taught me that morals and ethics are intertwined with every part of life
S.L.J. Miguel (Fall 2022)
I think we both wanted something
I wanted validation that I was loveable
He wanted a girlfriend who wouldn’t cheat on him
I would estimate that he didn’t internalize a single word I said
About one time per visit, I would snap at him and snarl a threat
He would laugh and tell me I was cute when I was angry
I would refuse to tell him any detail about myself
So, he would make them up
His impact taught me that I had to like my partner
At least a little bit
S. L. JP (Summer 2022)
It wasn’t even his name, but it’s what he had me call him
He made me feel young, when nothing was forever
He gave me freedom with the weight of commitment
He questioned everything I did, as if his view was the default
He tore me down; it was the only way to feel superior
I allowed it, playing a passive role in my own life
His impact shifted my perspective, shifted me from passive to active
His impact helped me recognize my own power, my need of communication
A desire of clarity and honesty
He taught me I don’t find humour in disguises
S. LP (Spring 2022)
He almost didn’t make the list
His impact told me life goes on
TLO. Steffen (6 years)
He taught me self-doubt
I found myself learning cryptic arts and numerology
His loving words and violent outbursts
His careful trace of me circling my flaws
I loved the idea of a love story
I wanted the story, the actors weren’t important, only the plot
How romantic, to run away from home into the arms of true love
How easy, he would call and I would come running
His impact has had me question every action from any man after him
His impact showed me that nice favours are not always kind
He taught me the importance of intuition and logic
The Last One (2025 - Forever)
I know I said the ones without names had no impact
I just want to keep you to myself
I told myself that I was done, that I had learned my lessons
I told myself that I wasn't trying to find you anymore, I was tired
But, I knew as soon as I met you
I knew that all those lessons were hard but important
Now I can appreaciate all the ways you love me
You listen to what I say, and you align it to what you know
You enjoy learning, and you understand how each subject intertwines.
You know I don’t like surprises, so you tell me what you’ll be surprising me with
You get my favourite snacks, so I never run out
You watch everything with me, then discuss every last detail
You never make quality time a burden
You always make me feel wanted
You love me, not despite me flaws – You love those too
You teach me each day the meaning of the word ‘unconditional’
Our respect are mirrors to each other
You supported me through withdrawal
You support me while I've been rebuilding myself
My sense of self, my self-love, my self-soothing
You don’t just agree, we discuss and we find our common ground
We find our differences and label their importance
I like you. A lot. I like you and I love you
You like my confidence; you like the attitude and when I take charge
You prioritize communication and agree with a straightforward approach
Your impact has shown in my laughter, in my smile, and in my eyes
You taught me that it is good, not just okay, to love myself
Your impact will be with me forever
You taught me love. Real love.
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